A woman seeking advice from the online community after a heated argument with her fiancé about finances sparked a debate about their relationship dynamics.
The dispute arose over money matters, leaving her questioning their partnership.
In a candid post on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e’ thread, the 32-year-old woman, referred to as the Original Poster (OP), shared her experience. She wrote that she got engaged to her 35-year-old partner after five years together, with their wedding set for May 2025.
Shortly after their engagement, OP’s grandmother passed away, leaving OP a substantial inheritance. This is where the trouble began.
“When I heard the news, I told my fiancé, and he was incredibly overjoyed, much more than I expected him to be. I went along with it and shrugged it off until later in the day I heard him on the game with his mates saying ‘I can pay my credit card off with that money, mate! We can finally get that boys’ holiday we’ve been planning, ay?’ and laughing,” OP wrote.
She continued: “I walked into the room and asked ‘What money?’ and he immediately looked at me funny and said ‘From your nan, babe.’”
OP said she “immediately exploded on him” and told him he wouldn’t be paying anything off without her permission, and he definitely would not be using the money for a boys’ holiday.
“‘It’s not your money to have; it’s written to me from MY nana, it’s not for you,’” OP said she told her fiancé.
This led to a shouting match, and OP eventually left the room upset. Later, her fiancé finished his game and came out to scold her, saying: “We are getting married; you will become my financial BURDEN. Any money you take in is mine also. It was incredibly selfish of you to make such a fool out of me in front of my friends and give them false hope of a holiday.”
In her post, OP wrote that she left the house without saying a word and went to stay at a friend’s place. She concluded by asking whether she was being an a*****e.
Following her post, she received an outpouring of empathy and solidarity from fellow users.
One person wrote, “Ok, so he has shown you that he thinks of you as a burden and is planning on spending money that isn’t actually his on his ‘boys’. And he’s screaming at you because you won’t fall in with his plans. You’re nuts if you actually marry him.”
Another added, “You really want to marry this guy? There are 2 problems: 1. He assumed he’s entitled to the money. 2. He assumed he can spend it on a discretionary item that does not include you. Pt2. is the bigger problem.”
Another user chimed in with: “Stop the wedding. Do not marry this guy. First, … wow, he’s got credit card debt he’s never paid off? Living beyond his means is a HABIT. Second… what’s his is his, and what’s yours is his? Oh honey NO. Third… the rage? entitlement and DARVO … projecting you would be ‘the burden’ on him in the relationship? this man exhibits all the classic Narcissist tells.”
They continued: “Your grandparents’ last gift to you wasn’t just the money, but the wisdom of who this guy really is underneath. No character, abusive, entitled, parasitic. Run.”
What do you think this woman should do? Let us know in the comments!
