Navigating the delicate territory of suggesting names for a grandchild can be challenging for new grandparents.
Though it’s normal to have preferences, there exists a subtle boundary between offering polite suggestions and asserting authority.
A Reddit user faced this challenge firsthand as his mother transformed into a difficult “mother-in-law from hell” towards his wife during their pregnancy. Despite establishing boundaries, he pondered whether he had crossed a line by expressing his opinions too assertively…
A pushy grandmother-to-be
A 25-year-old man sought advice on Reddit’s ‘Am I The A*****e’ thread, detailing the challenges he and his wife, Kenzie, also 25, were facing as they anticipated the arrival of their first child.
He described how his impending parenthood had triggered some concerning behavior from his mother, particularly directed towards Kenzie. This behavior, he noted, revealed a side of his mother he had not fully realized before.
The trouble began with their pregnancy announcement when his mother suggested naming their child Rodger if it were a boy, or Elizabeth if it were a girl.
“Rodger was my mom’s grandfather and she wanted to name me or one of my brothers Rodger but dad vetoed the name every time,” he said.
Despite Kenzie’s polite dismissal of the suggestions and their already established list of names, his mother persisted, insisting that these names were important and should be used.
“A couple of weeks after the first incident my mom asked Kenzie if she knew whether baby Rodger or baby Elizabeth was joining the family. Kenzie told her neither of those names were in the running and we didn’t know yet,” the man continued, adding: “Kenzie mentioned mom bringing up the names to me then but downplayed how pushy she was being so I said nothing at that point.”
The situation intensifies
The situation came to a head when the couple discovered they were expecting a boy, and the mother unilaterally ordered baby items embroidered with the name Rodger.
“We found out when she presented us with a door decoration bearing the name Rodger. I reminded her then that we hadn’t settled on a name and wouldn’t be revealing it until after the birth,” the man recounted.
However, the grandmother-to-be didn’t stop there. She proceeded to share pictures of the embroidered clothing and baby items on social media, giving the false impression that ‘Rodger’ was the chosen name.
At this point, the man expressed his frustration and confronted his mother directly. She defended her actions, insisting that as one of the baby’s grandparents, her opinions should be considered.
In response, he firmly asserted that his mother had no authority to name their baby and that her opinion wasn’t desired or relevant in this matter. He acknowledged her feelings but stood by his decision.
Reflecting on the confrontation, the man questioned if he had reacted too strongly. While he understood the need to establish boundaries, he pondered the appropriateness of his response. This situation underscored the complexities that can arise when family members become involved in naming decisions, emphasizing the importance of clear boundaries and respectful communication.
What the internet had to say
One individual advised, “You should have intervened much earlier. The first time she became pushy, you should have reiterated your stance and personally rejected the names, as your father did.”
They further suggested, “Address the social media posts directly or create your own, clarifying that your baby will not be named either of those choices. Rather than harboring resentment, it’s crucial to firmly assert your boundaries with your mother.”
Another commenter suggested, “Your wife should block her and all communication should be directed through you from now on. It’s unfair to burden her with this, particularly during pregnancy or as a new parent.”
What do you think? Would you have done the same if you were in this situation? Let us know in the comments!
